Finding Life's "Silver Linings" or "the medicine" for the soul

It’s My Body. It’s My Choice.

As I walked into the doctor’s office, I could feel my heart start to beat faster.  I know what I am going to be asked to do & I already know I’m not going to do it.  But, I also know that I don’t like to tell people I’m not going to do something…I don’t want to be rude, I’m a people-pleaser. (I’ll write more about this later…I know there are a lot of us out there! And a lot more of us, women, than men, which throws the whole idea of it being a trauma-response on it’s head.).  I’ve already gone through all the scenarios in my head, so, ok, I know I am anxious.  I have to stand up for myself and be assertive; this is important.  This is My Body.

I had already been to a plastic surgeon years before…considering cosmetic enhancements.  So I did know what to expect.  I would be put in an exam room and asked to undress.  I would then have to endure a doctor evaluating my body and then even asking me to stand to take pictures.  I can remember sweating and feeling exposed….feeling overall…meh.  But, I do what I am asked. Even more so when it’s an authority figure like a doctor that is asking.

And then I got…”the what” can be done to enhance my body…down to & “I’ll even reduce the size of your nipple.” 

Did I ask about my nipple?  What’s wrong with my nipple?

I’m convinced this is fairly standard and millions and millions of women go through plastic surgeries every year.  I did not….I opted out.  I decided to try to be happy with my body the way it is. (WHAT!!?? Is this even possible for a woman??) I asked myself why I wanted to change and why women in general want to change themselves.  I was going to stand tall…haha, stand tall, at 5’0, even. NOTE: I am not judging if you have decided to have plastic surgery. Again, Your Body, Your Choice.

BUT, how many times have you walked into a doctor’s office and did whatever you were told to do? It’s natural; we feel like we have to…they are authority. But, are they? Should they be? Why isn’t the patient the authority? It’s My Body.

I’ve decided I’m not disrobing and having my pictures taken. What are these pictures even for?

Fast forward to today, back to walking into that same doctor’s office because I am going to have an elective mastectomy.  I had just found out that I have the PALB2 gene which increases my risk of developing breast cancer at my age to over 60%.

I wasn’t seeing the guy I already know and have a relationship with who is touted as one of if not the best plastic surgeon in the city.  I have been seeing him for years for my quarterly botox (no judgments, please…My Body).  I know him…and had mentioned this procedure and he reassured me he would take care of me. 

This didn’t happen….I was pushed to the youngest plastic surgeon on the team and newest.  So, yeah, I was no longer sure I wanted to stay with this practice and I definitely did not want disrobe and get pictures with the new guy!

Yet, this went through my mind…everyone has to start somewhere, give him a shot, age does not matter….I think fairness is important.  I decided to go for the consult BUT with my boundaries set.  This was just going to be a conversation/a consult to see how I feel! I was going to throw my people-pleasing aside & stand up for myself!

I’m walking into the office….I’m nervous about being rude, disrespectful, not doing what they ask, nervous about holding to my boundaries. But, I have decided…I’m doing this!  This is important!

The first thing that happens is I’m given something to sign…no explanation, just sign this release.  I immediately ask what it is….it is a release to take pictures.  I immediately say, “I don’t want my pictures taken.  This is just a consult.”  She retorts “we do not put them anywhere but in your file for the doctor.”  I repeat that I do want my pictures taken, I’m not disrobing; I am here for a consult.  So, she leaves.

Not 60 seconds later, there is a knock on the door and a younger, very pretty girl comes in to ask again if I will get my pictures taken & explains that the doctor uses it for surgery.  I very firmly again decline to have my pictures taken and explain that I just want to understand my options. 

Then, I wait for the doc…taking deep breaths to calm my nervous system.  What would he think since I refused his protocol?  Has anyone ever refused him before?  Is he going to think I’m rude?  Just breathe….

….it went fine (more on this later, most of our anxiety NEVER comes to fruition).  The doctor was nice….I even liked him.  I was able to express my point of view to him and he listened.  He gave me all my options.  He answered all my questions.

But, who knew, all the decisions, SO many decisions…so many different ways a mastectomy and reconstruction can be done.  Would I ever have received all my options if I wouldn’t have stood up for myself?  I even had to think about my dang nipples again! (Nipple-saving vs tattoos. I’ve never even thought about my nipples!) I had already been to the oncology surgeon…and I was not told even half of what I learned today by standing firm on what I have had come for and not come for, for that matter.

Would it have been possible to have this 45 minute conversation naked in a see-through paper robe?  I needed to talk as peers…I needed to ask him what he would have his wife do (if he had a wife).  I needed to know if I could trust him.

I consider myself lucky.  I don’t have cancer.  I have been given a Choice.   BUT, it’s My Body.

Where is the Humanity?  Where is the Choice?

Can you hear me!!!???

What difficulties have you faced with the healthcare industry? I also recently visited a High Risk Cancer Clinic. The PALB2 gene not only increases your risk of breast cancer but also ovarian and pancreatic cancer. Yet, I was given no protocol for screenings for these cancers, yet these screenings do exist and there are blood markers/blood screenings for these cancers.! My guess is that it costs too much. Instead these two cancers are called the “silent killers” because you do not know you have them until you are symptomatic and will most likely die. I know this information because I advocate for myself, I have to do my research (my sister in the HC industry has also been invaluable). Apparently you can’t blindly follow the “authority”, the “doctor”. There are many reasons their protocol may not be in your best interests. You better believe I am asking for these blood tests and will fight for them!

What are your thoughts on “Save The Nipple”!!?? (more on this later…let’s talk here!)

For more like this please subscribe at lifesapothecary.blog