Do you believe that things happen for a reason? That there is a design to things. That sometimes it doesn’t make sense or is not fair but that things do happen for a reason? If So…

Then it would make sense to step back. Reframe things when you are going through challenges. There is a reason. It is easy to fall into the trap of negative thinking and to start to despair…start to spiral into the negative. It is also said that “God only gives you what you can handle.” Whether you believe in God or not….it still applies. We know there is an “intelligent design”.

But how about stopping to Reframe and ask what this experience is trying to teach me? How can I grow from this?

Sometimes this is easier said than done. Ok, most of the time, easier said than done. I mean, most of us know this….I know this! Or I thought I knew until I was going through that hard time and I seemed to forget…

Someone recently said to me “Kelli, you were chosen for this. You will be brave.” I always thought I was the person that tried to turn my experiences into learning. But I wasn’t in this case. I couldn’t get over the what-ifs…what if there is a complication, what if I get depressed, what if I am unattractive and no longer feminine, how bad will the scars be, how long will it take to heal, will my mind go crazy, how will I handle this, what if I don’t regain my current level of health….what-if, what-if….

But then I happened to stop and think about what she said.

And, then the transformation happened….I know what I have to learn to grow and to thrive from this experience. I decided to Reframe and figure out what I could learn and how I could grow from this.

I have the PALB2 genetic mutation. It predicts that I have a 60% chance of developing breast cancer. Breast cancer can develop quickly! I am going to get a double mastectomy. This surgery will result in the loss of my breasts. I will also lose the use of my arms for a time. This means I will not be able to practice yoga which is how I keep my sanity. I’m losing a part of my womanhood…my breasts. What isn’t more indicative of your womanhood….than these life-sustaining glands that feed your child after birth. As a result of the surgery as noted I won’t be able to use my arms due to the physical trauma of the surgery and thus will be dependent on others. How will my mind cope with inactivity? Will I recover all my strength? Will I have pain for the rest of my life (a lot of people do)? I’m afraid….Am I doing the right thing?

Also, don’t misunderstand. The first thing the plastic surgeon said to me…”you are not getting a boob job.” Your breasts are being removed. Even if you undergo reconstruction, it is not the same. You will not have the same results as a woman getting a boob job….there will be scarring, there is loss….

Take this poem by Rumi. Rumi’s suggestion in this poem is to simply be with whatever comes your way in life – whether it brings pleasure or pain – for there is something to learn with each experience.

“The Guest House” by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

— Rumi, translation by Coleman Barks (The Essential Rumi)

It is said that going through a struggle leads to growth! We do NOT grow unless we struggle…we need the struggle to grow. I need to see this as a growth experience! Here are my predictions for what this is trying to teach me. I will later reflect on what I actually learned vs what I thought I was supposed learn. This should get interesting!

Either way this exercise and writing is cathartic for me. What works for you?

So, What is this teaching me?

• How to be Brave. Somewhere along the line I have gotten really comfortable and let’s just say…not brave. I like my creature-comforts. I avoid being uncomfortable. Is this be holding me back? I need to prove to myself that I can do hard things. I want my son to be brave….how can I ask him to be brave when I am not? Being brave inspires others to be brave too.
• How to Conquer Fear. Most people fear the unknown. But you can not let fear silence you or paralyze you. The only way through fear is pushing through.
• Live Life Fully. I have been given another chance, a choice because of all my ancestors who have suffered and died before. I owe it to them. My sister, Wendi suffered through breast cancer, my aunt succumbed and ultimately died from it, and my dad died young. My sister ultimately got tested, leading me to this knowledge which I now know is power!

• Why I want to Live. Once I contemplated what might happen if I do not get this surgery….I re-evaluated why I am here and what I still need to do. I realized I’m not done yet! I have more to give. This helped to refocus My Purpose.
• What is Most Important. Why sweat the small stuff? Very little is really important but what is, is of the Most Importance! I know my priorities.

What Lessons Have You Learned Thru Struggle or Adversity? What works to help you through tough times?